I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Randomize
