we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
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