but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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