Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Randomize
