Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
