Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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