Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
