i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Randomize
