Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
