Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Randomize