do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize