dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
i think my cat just said my name.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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