i wish my penis had a tongue
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I pour the whiskey from now on
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
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