how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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