Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize