speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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