Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
