You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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