Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
