How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
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