I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
