I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Randomize
