It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Randomize
