the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Randomize
