I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
I'm having to shit out rocks
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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