it hurts more in the daytime
I need to stop coming to work sober
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
we're so committed to being not committed
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Randomize
