You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
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