I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize