i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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