can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Can I color on your dick again?
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
