who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
