I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
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