I bet he comes in French.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
