Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
