Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
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