Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize