I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
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