my mouth tastes like poor choices
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
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