i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Randomize
