Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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