Just fell off a train. Bad.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Randomize
