i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
I did not marry a roomba.
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