I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
he had hair everywhere except his balls
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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