Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
