i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
