Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
You're like the curious george of whores
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Why is there bacon in the couch?
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
Randomize
