Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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