some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
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