I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Randomize
