Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize