Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
