Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
