you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
