I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize