Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
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