It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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