I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
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