oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
