thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Don't tell me you're on acid again
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Randomize
