So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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