oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Randomize
