we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
