brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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