It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
