i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Randomize
