What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Randomize
