what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
